he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
