just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
