You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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