I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
