Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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