Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
