Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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