She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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