last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
