I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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