A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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