I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
