What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
