last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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