I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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