Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
