She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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