Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
