You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
