escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
