grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
