You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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