EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
