Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
