so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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