thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
