My sheets look like a crime scene.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's the barista slut.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
