paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
