If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
