So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
