You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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