apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
