sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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