Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
