i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
