So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
