I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
