I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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