It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
