Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
