I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
