Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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