Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
