so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
