im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
