i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
