Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
