Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
