My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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