You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
