I wanna bring you to show and tell
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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