I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
