I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
